Thursday, October 18, 2007

A Businesslike Bust

The lady at Baja Fresh got me thinking about see-through shirts.

I encountered my own see-though shirt dilemma the other day. Lady K and the girls of Department Store X know that when it comes to my own undergarments I am very much into the matchy-match, lacy, frilly stuff. The problem with refusing to wear practical bras is that when you are forced to don professional business attire sometimes the frilly stuff just doesn't fly.

Tuesday I had an impromptu business meeting. Fine, great. The problem was that I was out of the state for business, with no car and limited clothing options. I was forced to wear a white button-up shirt as part of my professional ensemble, but unfortunately I only packed 5 bras- all of which were black or colored and lacy. I settled on the least conspicuous one, but not without secretly feeling a little bit trashy.

The moral of the story? All of you hard-headed girly-girls out there should probably invest in at least one boring t-shirt bra. (Try DKNY or Chantelle- they make some t-shirt bras of the non-horrid-looking variety).


Mesh at Baja Fresh

The other day I had a moment of horror and confusion at Baja Fresh. No, I was not horrified or confused by the contents of my burrito, but by a fellow patron in white mesh frock.

As far as I'm concerned, the mesh garment trend died somewhere during the eighties, but this woman either did not get that memo or managed to revive the shirt from a local thrift store/costume store/ROSS Dress for Less. I personally believe that anything made of mesh should be either a) basketball shorts or b) used to catch a fish or clean a pool. This lady thought otherwise.

She was a somewhat rotund woman in her late forties with mousy brown hair that was tightly secured by a scrunchie (another fashion throw-back) at the nape of her neck. The problem with the mesh shirt was that the holes were very large- leaving absolutely nothing to the imagination. The bigger problem was the exposed bra underneath: a dingy tan t-shirt bra. The massive, confusing problem was that this woman chose to pair the bra with BLACK granny panties pulled nearly to her belly button. WHICH YOU COULD SEE under the barely-there shirt.

There must have been a point in the morning where this lady got in front of the mirror and thought, yes. THIS is the outfit for today. THIS bra/undie/mesh combo will surely catch Bob-from-accounting's eye when he takes me to lunch at Baja Fresh.

I just don't get it. Please ladies- if there is ANY CHANCE AT ALL that the public might see your undergarments *especially when they are eating!* make sure to rock something hot. If you can't... well then either cover up or at least match that ugly bra with an ugly pair of panties of the same color!


Sunday, October 14, 2007

Man Thongs

When did Jockey start making cotton thongs and string bikinis for men!?!?!??!?!!?

I'm down for some kinky hoo hoo once and awhile, but everyday underwear?

Am I being sexist? Let us know what you think. Are there any men, well, manly enough to tell us that you wear man thongs and why?

You know how I feel about string anything - tacky!

Lady K.

Lingerie Glossary - gusset

A Gusset in lingerie refers to the piece of material/area of your underwear where your crotch will rest in.

So, don't ask your lingerie lady, "Is the crotch made of cotton?"

Because I will answer, "My crotch isn't, dunno about yours."

I love the word "crotch" with all my heart but when it comes to lingerie, call it a damn Gusset!

Jimmyjane candle/massage oil

Jimmyjane has created a line of high end erotica - sort of the Bentley of sex toys. Check them out.

I can recommend their Ember Candles - great smelling and strange combinations (ginger/date, habanero/grapefruit, coriander/quince, just to name a few). It will make a fantastic gift for most occasions that may end in sex. Go ahead and burn the candle for about 30 minutes. Then extinguish the flame and use the melted soy wax as a massage oil. The candle left alone can burn for about 60 hours. But that's no fun. Don't worry, the oil is not that hot, even within a minute of blowing out the flame. Try it, you'll like it, or at least smell good.

2 for 1 deal - I love it!

They're approximately $48.


Buy New Underwear !

I'm sure I've written about tossing out your undies every few months. I will write it again because today, someone said, "I haven't bought any new underwear in 5 years" (yes, 5). Hello, effin' gross, what are you wearing? Shreds?

The elasticity doesn't last too long, a few months, maybe a year at the most. Do yourself and your va-jay-jay a favor, buy new underwear every few months. I toss my daily undies every 3-6 months, keep it fresh. The lacey, fancy, schmancy kind I can keep for years - you should have enough of these too to rotate without wearing them twice a month (or keep dating new guys).

Holes = throw out
Overstretched = toss
Elastic exposed = ditch
able to celebrate an anniversary = trash ASAP