Thursday, August 30, 2007

Small Butts

The lingerie ladies have to confess, they have no ass. It's a dilemma many women suffer from "small butt/flat butt/no butt", don't be ashamed, do not use butt padding, it's just false advertisement.

GAP ultra low undies can make the small butts look sexy, so go there.

Sunburn = bad boobies!

I had a custy today who was a 40DDD, yes, boobs were waterfalling out when she unhooked. But that's not the point. Her entire decolletage area was burnt brown while her breasts and stomach were milky white. Ladies, sunburn is not sexy, it's dangerous and ugly!

I see topless ladies all day long, too many are showing up with these awful burns/tans. It's not healthy. I'll take my milky porcelainess any day. Cover up, your breasts are sensitive. If you want to hurt yourself in a good way, try nipple clamps. Don't burn your boobies!

Cover up, SPF up!

Fall Must Haves

anything in "aubergine" (eggplant purple-ish) and NAVY, my personal favorite is a navy set from EBERJEY. get it get it!

Bringin' Crotchless back.

Check out Elle MacPherson's Boudoir black label.
Cute boxshorts with no crotch, very subtle.
Your lady will like it.
Your man will like it.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Panty tables

Many lingerie departments/stores have tables. These tables are usually filled with panties, lots of panties. The panties are neatly tucked on top of each other. Then some bitch comes in and pulls them out of order. She pulls not one, she pulls twenty and takes maybe two pairs. The neat table now is an utter mess.

Also guilty, are big effin stroller pushing mommies. They don't pull panties, they just knock the table over. Watch your kids and your ass as you back out!!!

Lesson: Respect the table, respect the employees who spent maybe 5 or 60 minutes to set it up. If you can't find what you're looking for, ask!!!! We'll serve you better and won't make fun of you afterwards.

Print on ASS

I adhor print on ass. "juicy" "pink" pink and juicy?

I don't care if you have something to say, just don't wear it on your ass. Too many women, young and old wear those tacky talking pants from juicy and Vicky's, seriously, stop.

Sweats are cool to chill and lounge in, love them. But once you put writing on the ass, it's all over. The women who wear it aren't usually "juicy" or "pink". But if you someone who can legitly wear them, let us know.

I know I can choose not to look but it's almost impossible to go to the mall or supermarket without seeing one. You're not supposed to look at the sun directly, but you do it anyway. I just can't tell the sun to go away.

Vera Wang lingerie!!!

Last year Vera Wang rocked the sleepwear/nighty scene.

This fall (might be available now) the line will be introducing some sexy, classy, glamorous pieces. The line is called Vera Wang Body.

The bustiers are hot!

Check out the crinkled silk bras - fun and flirty, show it off when you rock it! Only $60 approx.

The collection is classic Vera Wang style. Get it, get it.

Friday, August 10, 2007

Can you see my nipple?

A 32AA custy came in, with no tits or self-confidence. And it had nothing to do with her small chest. She thought she had gained weight and needed a 34b. I assure you she did not need a 34 anything. The woman was boobless and tiny.

She also wanted a plunging bra. Goddamn, just go braless!!!!!

She came out at one point and asked if I could see her nipple through her shirt.

"Yes, I see your left nipple."

"Uh, okay."

Guess what ladies, if you can see your nipple in the mirror, then yes, I can see it too. Don't ask stupid questions.

This custy continue to ask the dumbest questions (there are such things) about her straps, her back fat, her menopause, her nipple, her contour, etc.

Ladies, buck up, if the bra looks decent, feels good, then it's good, don't ask me. I can't show up at your house to help you dress everyday, remember that. I can't hold your hand or your boob.

Elderbush

I wish I didn't see it. But I bent down during a "panty line" evaluation for a custy and came face to face with old lady pubic hair dangling out of a pair of granny pants. I think I gave myself whiplash when I flew back up.

It does not matter what age you are - keep it tight, people, keep it tight.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Diapers.

This is a supplemental blog to the last one.
Ladies with babies, please DO NOT change your babies in our fitting rooms. There are lovely lounges, baby stations, even a family restroom, use it, it may be cleaner than our fitting room floors you let your child lay on.

If you must must must change your baby in unofficial places, then bring your Lysol and use it on our floors, benches, the baby, the diaper itself.

Bras and panties will be there when you come back from the restroom. We will hold your merchandise for free, really, so go to the restroom!

Baby Poo smells like hell when concentrated in confined places. I know this by experience. The ladies and I have walked into invisible clouds of death smells and baby peas. Stop abusing your lingerie ladies!!!

This goes for stinky adults too. We have also suffered many gas bombs. If you have gas, then PLEASE leave our small, again, confined fitting rooms. Fart in a corner out in the open, air out for godsake.

Discovery of the Day

It was a very used diaper hidden inside a decorative drawer in our fitting room. WHY??? Plenty of mommies have changed their babies in our dressing room (not recommended because BABY POO effin stinks!!!!!!!), but at least have removed their genetic dna from our premises. Who the hell was this bitch that left a diaper hidden in a fitting room? We will come and place a fish in your house, hidden in a special undetectable place. BITCH!!!

There are things called trash cans. Use it, please.

-k